03/05/2018
When you find out that you have an autoimmune disease, it’s like the world suddenly turns on you. They said my case was slight, but in my family's eyes, a case is a case and I was branded with a label. I went from racing Vaso through the trees and wrestling her over stupid stuff sisters fight over to being treated like a glass figurine. I went from one of the most promising Amyklos of this generation, to being confined to my room like a child.
Of course, I was afraid for my health. Lupus has many factors that come with it, and most of it isn’t pretty. Not only that, but my bruising and getting sick all the time was because of my antibodies are attacking my platelets almost specifically. Usually a person has roughly 175k platelets per whatever, my count at that moment was 15k, very low. They can rise and fall like that until the end of time. This has a fancy-shmancy name, too, and its a mouthful. Idiopathic Thrombocytopenia Purpura, or ITP for short. So, in short, I could get a cut - internal or external - and it would possibly never stop bleeding. So, there's that too. (I get stared down when I eat potato chips now, guys. And cereal.)
There is no clue to how this happened or how it started, but now there was something physical and real and it had a name and it was what was wrong with me.
The Universe played a cruel joke on my family, and I was the butt of it.
Even though I need rest and to keep my body and health at top priority, you can’t blame me for missing the sweat and blood and glory. You can’t blame me if I wake up itching to take a morning run. You can’t blame me if I feel like my life is slipping through my fingers. You can’t blame me that I’m pissed off that out of all the myths and legends, it seems like I’m stuck like this forever. This is a curse that no amulet can heal.
So, in retrospect, no one can blame me for wanting to punch a wall (even though I've been told I can't). You can't blame me for being annoyed, for having to watch my family, watch my sister, go off and flaunt about and be what I can't be anymore. Something I'm willing to do anything to have back.