Back then...

03/05/2018

…It's almost funny to think about it, really.

Even in just a few months (feels more like an eternity) ago, no one worried about if I got enough sleep or was training too hard, at least, not more than any normal family would. The only thing my family really worried about was Vaso and I ramming through the dining room table, or tracking monster blood in the house.  (Yaiyia has had more than one fit about that)  I used to feel like I belonged to this family. That I deserved my position, that my sister was a healthy rival. I was out and about, diving deep into the oceans or wrestling with sasquatches who were getting a bit too rowdy. I was climbing trees and racing pixies. I was the one cleaning up the messes Vaso left behind on her rampaging ‘epics’ (as she likes to call them. It’s more like concentrated chaos or reckless shenanigans, I swear to God). There was a whole world out there, and it was mine for the taking.

I was on top of the world, guys.  I'm really not trying to sound like a jerk, but I feel like I tumbled into a pit and I can't climb myself out. Because once you're on top of the world, that's when the world decides to eff you up. I mean, I should know, I had to study all myths and legends as a small child. 

So, obviously, that's when the symptoms really started to show up. 

Down the list...

03/05/2018

I had pain, I was exhausted, I was miserable.

It suddenly felt worse than just sore muscles. Sure, you get a build up of lactic acid and fatigue every now and then, but that shouldn’t leave you unable to really even breathe. Not to mention I would bump into something and my whole side would get bruised. I bruised worse than a banana. Once I hit the bed frame and a golfball sized blue lump appeared on my leg. There’s this whole jumble of weird colds that won’t go away, or just getting worse and worse. Of taking five naps, and still unable to really sit without dozing off. My joints were creaking in ways that suddenly seemed worse than rusted door hinges. But, I was used to breaking down, and then pushing through barriers like this. 

I assumed I’d pull through, It was all easily explained with excuses I was familiar with.  “You’re training too hard.”  “You’re not eating enough."

"You're a klutz-bruises happen." “Did you sleep at all?”  “Maybe you just need to stretch out.” 

It's scary to not know, but I chose to be stubborn and ignore it.  After all, my family's favorite saying is 'shake it off.' (We said it before Taylor Swift made it cool, alright?) It's like our motto-well, it was. It felt like my body was against me. I didn’t know what was happening, and I felt more than what people could see. So, I stopped talking about it and hoped it would just go away. 

These assumptions sort of kept me from thinking or assuming the worst, and being the stubborn oaf I can be, I just kept pushing through it. Until that day. We had just finished chasing a Mothman all around a twenty mile radius. I couldn’t really see straight. I had a possible black eye from scratching a mosquito bite on my face too hard, it seemed. I was wobbling, I was teetering. I had never felt that way before. I ached to my core.

The Moment

03/05/2018

I fell, and I couldn’t get up.  I couldn’t say a word.  I definitely was not okay.

My sister flung me over her shoulder and then proceeded to throw me into the back of the truck. She and mom, it seems, couldn't get me to the hospital fast enough. There were times before where we'd consider the hospital, and then just ignore it, and I'd be stubborn. This time, I couldn't argue. I was in so much pain. I was shaking. I was feverish. I was never so scared in my whole life, and I’ve been out during the full moons where werewolves are in heat. I’ve seen the Jersey Devil, guys, I've smelled its breath. It's not great, by the way.  I've seen some crazy things.  That doesn't compare to that moment, though. 

Sometimes, the craziest, the scariest things we come face-to-face with are what makes us human, and remind us of our mortality.